Talking With Teens About God's Love

How do we talk to our teens about God’s love? How do we talk with them about Jesus in a way that is compelling that draws them in, that is appropriate to where they are in life? How do we create an environment between our hearts so that the Spirit of God can work?

I often talk with other moms who share their worry and doubt over everything they have done leading into the teen years. They see things shift in terms of attitude or behavior, they worry about the choices and paths their child is walking, and they wonder if they've messed things up. I understand; I have felt these same fears. Our God is sovereign and fully in control, and while we may need to repent of our sinful moments, He has never taken His eyes off of you or your child. He’s not surprised or confused by where your child is walking or what they’re believing. We can surrender our parenting to God and ask Him to help us, to give us great wisdom and understanding. His compassionate eyes see our child, and He understands what they need. 

God is pursuing your child, wanting him or her to come to repentance. Romans 2:4 reminds us that “God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance.” Our parenting perfectly doesn't lead to repentance. We could do everything perfectly, and our child could still be a mess. We could do everything terribly, and oru child could experience God’s kindness and walk with a repentant heart. As parents, you and I need to understand our calling. We walk surrendered to His Word and we pray fiercely. When we walk in humble surrender to the One who sacrificed it all for us, we can respond with added measures of grace and mercy while speaking of the love we have experienced. We pray fiercely because we know the only hope for our children as well as for ourselves is God’s hand at work. 

Our teenagers are in the stage of independence. Everything in these years points them towards becoming their own individual. Driving, communication, friendships, future plans for college or career ~ all these places demand independence. 

Our goal then becomes to capitalize on this urge and healthy growth by encouraging their independence through the lens of wisdom. We shift every conversation away from mandated rules and dictated decisions. We lead them into conversations about what would be wise. Often in these years, we can find ourselves mired in circular discussions of what everyone else is doing, what other people say, why this activity should be allowed. Arguments erupt, and personal attacks can easily occur. When wisdom drives the conversation, your child and you are no longer on opposite sides of a tug of war, yanking and pulling. “What is the wise choice in this moment?” becomes the headliner question. By asking this question, we can diffuse animosity and join forces to go and seek wisdom. 

Where is wisdom found? Solely in the Word. We lead this pursuit by modeling that wisdom cannot be found in popular opinion, cultural patterns, or even our own desires/opinions. We want to anchor our child’s wisdom into the Word of God alone. We don’t want them wise in their own eyes. We don’t want them wise in the world’s eyes. We don't want them even to be wise in our eyes, in our opinions. We want them to be wise because they are anchored in the Word, and they have learned to look there for new decisions. We spend these years beginning in the little things to ask what would be wise for this will help them grow their wisdom muscles. We begin with what they watch on tv, the apps and video games they enjoy, how much time they are on screens, the places they go. 

We choose not to be parents who mandate right and wrong. We choose instead to lead in discussions of wisdom, trusting that in these moments, wisdom will strengthen their footing. Wisdom anchored in the Word is unchanging. It doesn’t change according to the opinion of man. Right and wrong can and will change even in the church. Wisdom is not arbitrary but consistent. 

As a student of our children, we monitor how they’re growing in wisdom. When they act unwisely, we see their mistakes the same way we have in other stages. These moments are the opportunities to point back to their need for Jesus and the offer of the Holy Spirit as their teacher and counselor. Lack of wisdom becomes the doorway to engage in a gospel conversation. We meet our children with a conversation that pursues the underlying belief, the thought process that led them there, the motivations that propelled them. Then we take them back to the Word of God, and we begin to apply truth. 

When do I have really great wisdom conversations with my child? When they have stepped over the boundaries, acted unwisely, experienced moments of failure or mistakes. In those moments where sin or foolishness is exposed, we meet them with grace and truth. We walk them back to the Savior who offers forgiveness and redemption. 

We want our children to choose God’s way, no matter the cost. Choose Jesus when the world chooses the opposite. So we practice this, we tend to this concept in these teen years in order to launch them into college or a career with muscles of wisdom and faith ready to flex independently of us. 

You can find more about this over on the podcast, When God Breaks Through or on your favorite platform. Also I have created a free printable that walks you through each age/stage and what your goals, methods, and conversations look like.